Play Group Is My Sanity

We have been part of a playgroup for over a year now. Right after I quit my job I started hunting for a way to stay busy and a way to meet some other mommas. In that hunt I found and joined this wonderfully awesome play group and we started going to fun things at least a few times a week. Through the play group I have met some WONDERFUL people and dear friends. Last November we moved at least 45 minutes away from our play group and our friends, but being stubborn and all I have not wanted to give up play group....even though we can only go two or three times a month because it is so far and even though there is a waiting list of moms waiting to get into this group (that could probably go more than twice a month). I just COULDN'T give up play group because play group IS my sanity. Play group gets me out of the house and while I haven't been able to go all the time I still know in the back of my head that it is an option. Play group is mommy interaction and adult conversation...NO WAY could I give up play group!!! When we first moved I went onto the meetup site and looked to see if there was a play group that was near us but to no avail (these moms out here didn't know what they were missing!!!) So for the last year or so I have just been driving 45 minutes to play dates (I am was not kidding about not giving it up!!) Well yesterday I just happened to on a whim check the meetup site again and guess what???!!! There is a NEW play group that is right here where we live so I applied to join the group and within five minutes of sending in the request I was accepted to the group and RSVP'd for our very first play date. We will be able to go a few times a week since we only have to drive about five minutes and we will meet some new friends that actually live by us. I am sure you can imagine my excitement now that I have the potential to have my sanity back full time.

Life Stinks With A Broken Car

Well I have had my car for a little over a year now and it has been great. We paid $1200 cash for this car and what we got for the money seemed to be amazing compared to some of the things we looked at. Until this past week we have not had any problems with it, but about a week ago I started noticing that it wasn't driving like it normally did and things started to get worse and finally on Wednesday I knew we had a major problem on our hands. It was the T word...the one thing in your car that you never want to break because it is generally a huge pain to fix...my transmission is going out. This happened at the most inopportune time because I HAVE to drive my car...my daughter just started school and I have to get her to and from school so for the last two days every time I drive my car it is like playing a game of Russian Roulette and I just hope that I am going to make it back home. Needless to say I have not been driving anywhere the past two days and it has been the pits!! It is one thing to stay home because I want to stay home...it is a whole nother thing to stay home because I have to stay home. Why is it that when things like this happen you all of a sudden think of a million things you need to get done? We are going to go look at cars tomorrow but that even pain stakes me more because that means the dreaded car payment that I have flipped over backward trying to prevent, but I suppose that a car payment is a small price to pay for freedom. Not to mention that when you play Russian Roulette sooner or later you lose and I am quite sure that doesn't sound appealing to me at all.

Maybe He Has A Different Plan

When I quit my job over a year ago I was very content in my decision and I was convinced I had life "figured" out. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and there was no doubt in my mind. WELL...over the past few months I have had this feeling...this very nagging feeling like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing anymore...a longing for something more...or maybe just something different. I have really enjoyed spending the last year with my girls, but Brooke is in school now and Paige desperately needs to be in some sort of structured program. The only problem is I don't know where that leaves me. I wish the feeling that I am having came along with an instruction manual so I knew for sure that where I end up is where I am supposed to be. Since it doesn't come with a manual of any type I have to put my trust in God and lean on Him in this time and I can't help but know that the feeling that is weighing on my heart is his way of telling me that maybe just maybe he has a different plan. After much consideration I have decided to take the semester off of school so I can figure things out and get the girls settled into school and routine. I plan to start looking for a job or at least a way to spend my time, so here's to hoping the rest just somehow falls into place!

The First Day of The Rest of Her Life

Yesterday was Brooke's very first day of Kindergarten. She woke up at 6 am, which is generally unheard of from her, and was so excited because as she told me "It's my BIG day." I knew she would be just fine...after all she pretty much grew up in day care and she loves going to Sunday school....so we pull into the parking lot and park the car and as we are walking into the school she is showing every single person that will look at her the lunch box that she picked out. She got to her class and put her things away like she had been there a million times before...sat in her desk and proceeded to tell me she was ready for me to leave. So I did what any mama would do...I kissed the heck out of her and I left....as I was walking out to my car I felt what might be a few tears trying to come out but I didn't cry...I was so proud of her....my little girl did so good!! We all went to pick her up yesterday, she really enjoyed that!!! She told us all about her day and all the rules of the school. She said she only cried for a minute at rest time because she missed me but that she loved it and could not wait to go back!! Paige spent the whole day yesterday looking for Brooke...I think she thought we were giving children away and suspected she might be next because she walked around going "Brooke, you come out NOW, come out NOW!!!" and saying to me "I can't find her, I can't find her"....she was very relieved I am sure when we went and picked her up and realized she was only at school. I spent my day trying to figure out what to do...it was very strange to not have Brooke here but even more than that it was strange to have to watch the clock and know that I had to be somewhere by 3:00...since I quit my job there have been MANY days that we have not left the house at all let alone twice a day so that was weird, but all in all I would say it was a very successful first day of school. This morning when I took her I asked her if she wanted me to walk her inside again and without hesitation she said, "I can do it by myself MOTHER"....Mother what the heck is that...did my five year old go to sleep and wake up a teenager?!!! Well I guess I have to embrace the fact that my baby is growing up...but I don't have to be happy about it do I?

Women Of Faith

I spent the weekend in downtown Dallas for Women of Faith. I went with a group from my church....if you have never been I encourage you to go as I had a wonderful time. Here are my thoughts and experience while I was there: Friday afternoon me and two of the girls from Sunday School drove to downtown and checked into our hotel. The hotel we stayed in was very nice, it had a beach theme so all of the colors were very cheery and uplifting (and the bed was so comfortable that if it fit in my purse I may have brought it home!) After we checked in we caught the shuttle and were headed for the American Airlines center. Friday nights session lasted from 7-10 and we heard from Lisa Harper: her testimony was awesome and the way she delivered it was very comical...I really enjoyed hearing from her. We also got to have a concert from Natalie Grant...if I am being honest prior to this experience I did not know who she was so I was, but I was thoroughly impressed....she is very talented and you can just tell that she is a very nice and genuine person....she was also pregnant so I must give her kudos for even being there!! When we left for the night we got to see the 10 o'clock news live which was a really neat experience for me...we took the shuttle back to our hotel where we stayed up til midnight chatting :-) We woke up Saturday morning (thanks to my phones alarm clock...and then my phone falling on the floor breaking into six pieces...Sorry again Linda and Cari) got ready checked out of the hotel and drove back to the American Airlines Center after the detour to McDonald's for breakfast and coffee that is. Saturday we got to hear from Sheila Walsh...who I loved....about her experience in life and some very low points that she eventually overcame because of God's love. We heard from Karen James and her account of losing her husband and the love of her life in the tragic accident on Mt. Hood in 2006 (should have had a whole box of Kleenex for this one)...We heard from Luci Swindoll who is hilarious and Michelle Aguilar who won season 6 of the biggest loser and her life experience coming from a broken home....We also had the privilege of watching Nicole Johnson's monologues...which were nothing short of amazing. We had another concert from Mary Mary...if you have never heard of them I strongly urge you to listen...they were awesome and I will be buying their CD in the near future!! Throughout the whole thing I laughed and I cried but I enjoyed myself and I enjoyed having a weekend with some of my church family and feel very blessed to have had the chance to attend Women of Faith this year and hope that I will be able to go next year :-)

She is SO ready, Me...Ummm...yeah...NOT so much!!

Well we had meet the teacher and curriculum night for Brooke tonight. I met her teacher (whom I loved)...saw her classroom (LOVE HER SCHOOL!!!) and we got to hear about EVERYTHING they are going to do and learn throughout the year (completely overwhelming!!) and yet I still can't believe that she starts kindergarten on Monday!! Most moms are sad when their kids start kindergarten and if I am being real honest I am a little sad also but if I am being even more honest...above all I am scared and overwhelmed.....when they started talking about the curriculum and telling me that my child who as of now knows next to nothing (okay she is pretty smart but still!!!) will in the next six weeks be taking spelling tests and reading books....I had to physically make sure that my chin was not on the ground. We have to sign papers and do homework and make sure they are in the dress code and they have lunch money and return their library books.....I once sent Brooke to day care wearing only one shoe....seriously that happened....don't ask how cause I can't answer but does it even really matter?? she literally only wore one shoe.....and I didn't even have two kids at the time and I wasn't in school so it is a lot of pressure on me now to make sure that she not only has both shoes on but that they are the appropriate shoes for gym class and that they are tied because NO Ms. Kindergarten teacher she does not know how to tie her shoes yet (maybe we should buy Velcro!) My crazy life is about to get even crazier and I know the next few weeks and even months are going to be an adjustment period for us all....I think I need to go buy some sticky notes or something!

O-U-T-R-A-G-E-D

As I watched the news last night a story caught my attention. It was a story of a man who is up for parole here in Texas. He is presently incarcerated for intoxication manslaughter...On December 18, 1998 Ricky Carter drank enough alcohol for his blood alcohol reading to be .16...that is DOUBLE the limit here in Texas....he then decided to get behind the wheel of his vehicle and drive....this decision resulted in a head on collision that killed four teenage girls. I read the account of the second responding officer and this story saddens my heart to its very depth. No parent should have to bury their child...let alone bury their unrecognizable child that died due to complete and udder negligence. Ricky Carter was sentenced to 20 years...which so happens to be the maximum sentence for his charge...which I must give credit where credit is due for giving him the max....BUT 20 years for FOUR lives seems so very, very unfair. Well it has been TWELVE years and Mr. Carter is up for parole...PAROLE are you kidding me!!! I am O-U-T-R-A-G-E-D!!!!! As a mother my heart sincerely goes out to the parents and families who lost their daughters because of his idiotic decision. People call this an accident....a tragic accident....well tragic indeed, but accident no way...no how...Ricky Carter CHOOSE to drink and CHOOSE to drive and now there are four families that have to consequently pay for his decision. I know that ultimately Ricky Carter will pay for his decision and I am no one to judge and I know that this is by far not the only case where innocent lives have been lost because of drunk driving....This world is unjust and unfair and I for one find complete peace knowing that people like Ricky Carter will ultimately serve more than 20 years and that the innocent lives of the girls that were taken are now very much living out their eternal life. Check out keeprickycarterinjail.com for more information.

Wasting Time...That's What I Do!

I have a slight confession to make...I am newly obsessed with reading mommy blogs...I can't begin to tell you the time I have lost due to this new "hobby"....sorry laundry, housework, children and other miscellaneous things I am neglecting....this mama seems to have found yet another way to waste her time...as if I really have time to waste. I can't help it, I find most of them hilarious and I must admit they make me feel a little closer to normal....and ANYTHING that makes my life feel normal is good in my book! When I am not reading mommy blogs you can generally find me on facebook, checking my email, perusing craigslist, googling many things for various reasons, or watching stupid shows on TLC such as a baby story or I didn't know I was pregnant....I apparently have no problem what so ever wasting time. Procrastination (although I am not proud of it) is one thing that I have mastered in my days. Well Brooke starts school on Monday and me and the little one start school the following week so my summer and days of lounging are rapidly coming to an end so I guess I better wrap this post up so I can get back to doing what I do best while I still have time to waste.

My Best Friends Couch

My best friend, Carissa, and I have been friends for over 10 years now. We have seen each other through many things good and bad over the years. She is so much more than a friend to me and even more than a sister she is my soulmate in friend form and I am forever grateful that she is a part of my life. There are many times that I can think of in my life that I may not have made it through had it not been for her. She is the absolute best friend that anyone could have and she would do anything at all for anyone. Since I have been married and especially since I have had kids there have been numerous times that I have literally run away to Carissa's couch (many times unannounced)....her couch is my safe, quiet place if you will. It doesn't matter if we talk (and we do!!! there is no subject or topic that is off limits for talk on Carissa's couch) or if we just sit there, there is something about her energy that recharges my batteries just by being around her. We are completely different in many ways, but she understands me better than anyone in this world. Lately our schedules are different and we are both busy with life and I don't get to see her as much as I would like, but I know that she is only a phone call away if I ever need anything and sometimes knowing that is just as good as sitting on her couch!

Mommy Needs A Time Out

There is a very high probability that I am going crazy. I feel like I have a million things to do and yet I have nothing to do and the only thing that I can think about doing is running away from it all. I have contemplated getting in my car and just driving with no real destination in sight. I have also contemplated going to the airport and boarding a plane...who really cares where it is going...I'll figure the rest out when I get where ever it may take me. Life seems to be going a million miles an hour but yet I am standing still. I am a big huge ball of emotion with no real outlet. I am in DESPERATE need of a break or at the very least a time out but in the mommy world this is next to impossible....somebody always needs something and there is almost never a quite moment....so desperate times call for desperate measures. I very quietly and as discreetly as possible went to the bathroom and put my bathing suit on underneath my clothes and walked outside without telling a soul. I then proceeded to get into the swimming pool (by myself!!) and float...there was complete silence (because no one had any idea where I was). I floated by myself for at least 30 minutes before I was discovered...by Brooke none the less. When she came out and jumped in the swimming pool (in her under ware of course...there was not enough time to put on a bathing suit) I simply explained to her that she could swim as long as she was quite because Mommy was having a time out. I am still in a sort of funk but I am a little closer to normal now thanks to my time out!

Is Anybody Listening???????

I am sure that every mother out there has a one time or another dealt with or experienced selective hearing. I am convinced that kids and husbands alike use this as some sort of ploy to break you down and eventually make you crazy. I have heard it said that children are the worst when it comes to selective hearing and while mine are not teenagers yet I can't be 100% sure, but I would have to disagree and say that my husband is the WORLD'S WORST....I kid you not, if there was an award to be won on the subject at hand I am convinced that my husband could be the long standing champion. I tell him things daily and weekly such as upcoming events or things that need to be done...and he (for the most part) communicates with me when I do this...he doesn't just have that glazed over...yeah...uh-huh....hurry up and shut up look on his face....so I generally think he has listened and understands what I am saying....but then he goes to sleep at night and it's almost as if all the information leaks out of his ears onto his pillow never to be remembered again. I am CONSTANTLY reminding and repeating myself to him...sometimes even in the same conversation. It actually and quite literally drives me crazy. Now my children are not angels when it comes to listening by any means either...I am always having to say, "Please turn your listening ears on" or "Are you even paying attention to me"....most days I feel like a broken record. Between my husband and my children I am starting to consider becoming a mute...I can only assume that when you don't talk people still don't listen and that seems like a whole lot less effort on my part and I am certain it would be a gazillion times less annoying. Quite honestly they leave me no other choice.

Good Morning Conversation

This morning as Brooke and I were snuggling in my bed we had a little morning conversation and it went a little something like this...... ME: Brooke what do you think Mommy's are for? BROOKE: Kisses and hugs, making us bubble baths BEFORE sisters wake up, and letting us play outside just a little bit longer. ME: Well Brooke what do you think daddy's are for? BROOKE: Working so hard for us, making money, and for snuggling with us ME: So what do you suppose sisters are for? BROOKE: I really don't want to talk about it!!! I tried really hard not to laugh. They have days were they just love, love, love each other and get along great and then there are the other 364 days of the year :-) I am sure one day though her answer will change and she will be happy to talk about it.

Life

It is so easy to get caught up in daily duties of life (especially for a mother) and that is all I think about. I wake up each day thinking about what I need to get done for the day or even the rest of the week. My brain is always running a million miles an hour in over drive. I thank God everyday for at least something but I hope he knows (I KNOW HE DOES) that no matter how much I forget to thank for, my heart is eternally thankful for each and every thing big and small. There are at least a million things I am thankful for, here are just a few. I am thankful: I have two wonderful, HEALTHY girls (who literally are my heart and soul walking among us), For my family who I can always count on for support and love, That I have a husband who literally works his butt off and does whatever it takes so that I can stay home and be with our children, That my husband would do ANYTHING for his kids, We have a roof over our head, beds to sleep in and food on our table, That I have an amazing church family, I have the most wonderful friends in the world, That my best friend would drop her world if me or my family needed anything at all, Most of all I am thankful to God for blessing me with each of these and putting all these amazing people in my path. When I get caught up in my day to day routine I am only being human but I hope that I never become so caught up that I forget to be thankful for everything that I have in my life and never forget to not take a single thing for granted. Tomorrow is never promised...and if we think about it neither is today.

The Energizer Bunny

Last night we stayed up until after midnight working on the latest project here at the house. Let's just say that 6:30 came way to quickly for me this morning and I did not want to get out of bed...matter of fact I layed there for a good 15 minutes just contemplating my choices....but I decided I would get up and drive to Turbo Kick in hopes that it would wake me up. Well it woke me up for sure but it did not take the tired away so on my way home from the gym I stopped at the local corner store and bought what they title "EXTREME CAFFEINE LATTE"....that's no joke and that is certainly the kind of day I am having! So as I sit here ingesting copious amounts of caffeine I am pondering all the things that need to get done today: 1. I need to take a shower...I just came from Turbo Kick...enough said!! 2. I need to bathe my kids...we skipped it last night due to "the project" and if it is not done soon I am sure to start getting looks and may become "that mother" so this is a must. 3. I need to clean my car out...this is another must due to the fact that we are literally running out of room to sit in there due to the amount of junk that has piled up. 4. I have to plan and get organized for my MOPS meeting tomorrow...or I suppose I could just show up and wing it...that probably isn't the best idea I ever had :-) 5. There is ALWAYS and I repeat ALWAYS cleaning and laundry to do. 6. I have to gather things and get ready for our Mission Friends swim party at church tonight. I am sure there are other things that I can't think of right now...did I mention I am tired. As a mom you are required to keep going and going and going much like the energizer bunny...wouldn't it just be easier if we ran on batteries...that way when they get low you just toss them in the trash and put brand new fully charged ones in their place. Well since we don't I am sure hoping that this extreme caffeine latte does it's job other wise the only thing I may accomplish today is an extreme nap.

So Close Sleep Over

I have an awesome friend, Lisa, who invited Brooke to her house to have a sleep over with her two little girls. Brooke stays the night with her grandparents all the time but this would be her very first sleep over with friends. She was extremely excited and talked about it non-stop for a week. Lisa's girls were equally excited and even spent a whole day making Brooke presents to give her when she came over. So the day finally came and we drove over to their house and Brooke was all but eager for me to leave so she could start her day. She spent the whole day over there...she was there so long that I actually started to miss her :-) Lisa took them to the duck park and let them feed the ducks, they got to go to McDonald's and play....they played dress up....put on a dance show...made a tent...rode bikes outside in the neighborhood...ate pizza...ice cream...cookies and popcorn...they watched a movie and took a shower...got their pj's on brushed their teeth....then Brooke called me to tell me goodnight. Five minutes after I hung up she called back and wanted to come home. I remember when I was young and had sleep overs and you get that feeling in the bottom of your stomach...that can only come with bedtime....and you just can't help but want to come home. So at 9:30 at night I drove to get my little girl...we got in the car and before we were even out of Lisa's subdivision Brooke was passed out cold in the back seat. Even though she didn't make it the whole night...she had an absolute blast and I am very thankful to Lisa for having her over! I know one day she will be able to stay the night away but for now I will just enjoy the fact that my little baby wants to be with her mommy!!

Mean Girl!

I have had problems with Paige for a while. Before she learned to talk she was so frustrated and she took it out on everyone....but usually people smaller than her which unfortunately was pretty much limited to babies. Her motive of operation was generally pushing...you see, there would be kids just minding their own business and at any second she would walk up and just push them down. I am pretty sure I was classified as one of "those" moms and I am sure people dreaded being around us. There was one day I remember being "kicked out" of the gym....I was working out when the lady came and got me and said..."Paige pushed a little girl down and scratched a baby and when the teacher tried to put her in time out she kicked the teacher" YES that really did happen...and what could I say...it's not like I "let" her do these kind of things...truth of the matter was I had no idea what to do about it. She was still to little to really understand what she was doing at the time so there was no reasoning with her. So she pretty much just stayed in trouble and I tried to hide out as much as possible trying to watch and prevent "incidents" before they happened. When she finally started to talk she seemed MUCH happier and a little less mean. I really thought we were making some sort of progress. After all we haven't been kicked out of the gym in a while....they still let us come to playdates and the child care workers at the church have not said too many terribly bad things about her. Well today after service I was gathering up my things when her teacher came over and explained to me that she had scratched another little girl on the face today hard enough to draw blood. As a parent with a mean girl you never really know what to say in situations like this because you truly are sorry but sorry doesn't make the little girls cheek better. Paige starts preschool in three weeks and I am praying that she does good and that being around other kids on a more regular basis will prove to be beneficial for her and hopefully this is just a stage. I don't want to be one of "those" moms and I certainly don't want my "sweet little baby" to be a mean girl.

Monday Funday

Today has been such a wonderful day!! I woke up this morning at 5am (which I SHOULD do all the time but really struggle with)...was able to do a devotion and start some laundry....all before the girls woke up!! When they did get up they ate breakfast and got dressed and we headed off to the gym. One thing that has come with staying home for me anyway is weight gain...I am by no means okay with that so I vowed this week to make it to Turbo Kick all week...which is also something I struggle with because the Turbo Kick instructor is intense and has a TON of energy...which scares me :-) But as it turns out I had an AWESOME time so it should be easy to make it for the rest of the week. After the gym we headed over to a friends house to swim, play and have lunch. That is one of the coolest things that has come from joining the playgroup...meeting wonderful people I probably wouldn't have otherwise. We spent the whole day over there and had an absolute blast. By the time we left there my two children who NEVER nap were passed out in the car before we even got on the highway!! They slept the whole way home and have just been lounging around watching tv since we got home. They are successfully worn out!!! I still have a kitchen to clean...laundry to fold and other chores that I don't plan on doing today...but my girls (AND ME) had a fun and wonderful day and it is days like today that make me that much more thankful to be able to be home with my girls!!!

Please STOP Growing!!!

I still remember the day that I found out I was pregnant with my first child (Brooke)...October 31, 2004. In a matter of seconds my life as I had known it had changed and in that few seconds I felt just about every emotion that one can feel...I was sad because my life was changing...I was excited and happy and scared....I was going to be a mom and my life would NEVER be the same. I remember my pregnancy very well and I remember the day we found out it was a girl (then I was REALLY excited). I remember the day that she was born and the first time I held her....matter of fact I don't think that child got put down one time while we were at the hospital...I was one proud mama...she was perfect...and I was right my life would never be the same from that day on. Well in three weeks my little "baby" is starting kindergarten and here I am feeling that same wave of emotions I felt on October 31, 2004. She is really excited to start school and I am excited and happy for her. I am also sad...I am sad that we won't get to snuggle at nap time (or anytime I want) and I am sad that our days won't be the same as they have been...and (like any mama I suppose) I am scared. I don't want her to be independent...I want her to need her mommy :-( I asked her last night as we were snuggled up in my bed watching a movie together if she could just stop growing and stay with mommy forever and she replied (as she rolled her eyes and let out a huge sigh), "I sure wish I could!" She has NO idea how much I wish she could to. I feel like it was October 31, 2004 just yesterday and yet she has grown so much. She has the sweetest heart of any little girl and I am so proud and THANKFUL to be her mommy, but can she please stop growing!!!