Gratitude Unforgotten....

It was brought to my attention that it had been a while since I updated my blog....and while I did not realize it had been two months....between school, kids, the house and church activities I have been too busy to even notice if anything going on has been "blog worthy". It seems I barely have time to breath most days let alone blog, but over the past week or so I have been dwelling on the concept of gratitude.....which is something that I speak of often I know....but I was glancing over my facebook page the other day and happened to re-read my "About Me" section. I wrote that years ago....probably three or so right after I quit my job....and I really had forgotten most of what it was I had wrote....so when I re-read the words I was amazed at how much of it really is so much a part of who I am. For those of you reading this right now that have no clue what it says here is what I wrote about myself three years ago.... "LIVING TO LOVE. Learning to be a full time mom without a lunch break. Soaking up every second of innocence in my children’s faces. Trying to live every second with gratitude and without taking anything for granted. Knowing that life is a gift that doesn’t last forever. Living each day as it comes. Balancing life tasks as best as I can. Trying to be the best wife in a society where divorce is the norm. Searching to find my purpose in this life while living. Wanting to touch as many lives as I can while I am here. Making a life I can be proud to leave. Believing whole heartedly in the power of prayer and love. Trusting God to lead the way." It blows me away that no matter how much my life has changed over the last three years (and that is A LOT) so much of that still holds true today. Even though I am pretty used to life without a lunch break now....I still look at my kids on a daily basis and think "Why me?" "What in the world did I do to be lucky enough to be their mom?" Gratitude and love to me are the greatest powers in this life. Gratitude is something that I have to continually remind myself to practice. I have an abundance of things in this life to be thankful for.....God has put some seriously AMAZING people in my life and I am blessed beyond comprehension....I try to not let a SINGLE day go by with out reminding myself of that. I am not worthy of anything...but through the power of love and by the absolute GRACE of GOD I have a life to be INCREDIBLY grateful for and that to me is "blog worthy!"

Two Years Later

Many of you I am sure have noticed the new feature on facebook that tells you what your status was "On this day in.." Well I was on there this morning and noticed that my status on this day two years ago in 2009 said "Life is good today!" I can't remember what I was doing on that particular day, but I do know that it was almost exactly three months after I quit my job. I was still transitioning (BIG TIME) from full time working mom to full time stay at home with no adult interaction mom. I had a four year old and a one year old. Two years later....this morning....woke up and went to load my six year old and three year old into the car for school and had a flat tire. I jacked the car up....took the tire off and realized that the tool to get my spare off is in my husbands truck. So I cancel all my plans for the day and let Brooke stay home from school. Even though I never thought I would be a stay at home mom I am fully transitioned into my new chapter of motherhood where a whole day can change in the matter of seconds. I am undoubtedly thank full for where my life is at this very moment of time. I spend my days trying to soak in every second....The high today is 80 degrees....I have both of my kids home with me today....and not one single place to be and I just poured a cup of coffee...so even though the odds were against me this morning and I probably should be having a bad day.....I am going to open every window in this house and clean like there is no tomorrow...and spend the day enjoying my children.....SO...I would have to say that.....Exactly TWO years later....Life is good today!!!

The Death of Me

Since I quit my job two years ago to stay with my girls and finish my degree I have done 99.9% of all of my school work online. I may have gone to the campus to take a test or something, but other then that I have not set foot on a college campus. Today I learned why. 10 years ago I was fresh out of high school and new to the "college" scene...which was basically an extension of high school. Today 10 years later I am a very old (at least I feel that way)and at best cranky married mother of two and I pretty much have no business being on a college campus (which is still an extension of high school) with all of these teenagers...there were baggy pants and short dresses....there were people shaking hands (and by shaking hands I mean those "secret" hand shakes that people make up and you have to be under 20 to know how to do it)....there were people making out in between classes (seriously). And besides being too old for the place...I barely made it there in time this morning...I woke up at 5 and got the girls ready....dropped them off by 7:30 and didn't get to my 8:30 class until 8:40 (granted I had no clue in the world where the class was so I did stop and ask for directions once I got to the school)...I also have a two hour and twenty minute break between my classes and since today was the first day it was actually about a four hour break....that just meant I had more time to observe secret handshakes and makeout sessions. I got out of class just in time to pick the girls up and head to a play date. I walked in my door this evening at 6:15 and I only thought I was tired before :-) I get to do it all again on Wednesday. This whole actually going to the school thing very well be the death of me....is it too late to want my job back?? :-)

A New Year

Well just as I suspected I closed my eyes for one second and here it is the first day of school!! This year Brooke is in first grade and is starting a new school so she was VERY, VERY excited....so much so that last night when I told her it was bedtime she went straight to her bed AND went to sleep (I need it to be the first day everyday!!) Also this year for the first time since I quit my job and started school again I actually have to take classes at the school so I went ahead and enrolled Paige in a three day a week mothers day out program....she was also very excited even though I am not quite sure she knew what to expect since she has never been in a daycare setting before. We woke up this morning at a very early 6 am (which is the earliest we have woken up since summer started) and the girls were very eager to get the day started. Brooke (who usually just tolerates her sister) was being so sweet to Paige she was telling her things like "Paige be sure to eat all of your breakfast because lunch isn't until 10 o'clock and you don't want to be hungry" and "Paige don't worry if the nurse wants to look at your eyes I promise she doesn't poke them she only looks".....she also let Paige wear her medal that she got from church this week to help Paige "remember to be brave" on her first day. So with book bags packed and everything ready we set out on our "first day" adventure...but not before I made them take a "say first day of school" picture....... We went ahead and dropped Paige off first this morning and when we got to her school and turned in the last of her paperwork I walked her to her class. She walked in and acted like she had been there everyday of her life. She didn't even tell me bye (or probably even notice I left) because she was so busy talking to her new friends and scoping out all of the new toys. Here she is right before I dropped her off... Next it was Brooke's turn and since she was starting a new school and really didn't know where to go or where anything was I wanted to walk her inside and make sure she got where she needed to go. Of course she is in FIRST grade now so this took a little bribery (lucky for me I am not too proud to bribe)....she did inform me that she in NO way wanted me to embarrass her....so I walk her to her class to put her back pack up and then walk her to the gym and about this time I said "okay give me a hug and a kiss"....she gave me a one arm hug and looked at me and said "you do not get a kiss"....I always knew one day she would be too cool for me but I really thought I had a few good years left!! Here she is right before I dropped her off (and right after I bribed her)..... After I dropped them off I came home and since my classes don't start for another week I had a "free" day....I was going to use it to get my laundry caught up and do a few other things and instead I slept until after NOON...I didn't get out of bed until almost 1 o'clock...but don't worry my laundry and errands were still there :-) After I drug myself out of bed I went to pick them up excited to hear about their days...Paige's teacher could not believe she has never been in daycare and said she was wonderful (just give her time to warm up is what I was thinking)....and Brooke said she had a great day. She said she likes her teacher "okay" and she made three new friends but couldn't remember their names. I learned three things today....#1. I have the ability to be lazier then I thought. #2. I did not miss the craziness and paperwork of school. and...#3. My babies are not babies anymore.

A Little Dose of Crazy

I can hardly believe that school starts in two very, very short weeks. Becoming a mother has landed me in this CRAZY fast time warp where days are weeks and weeks are months and every time you close your eyes at night someone hits fast forward. It is CRAZY!!! We have had a wonderful summer, but I literally feel like I blinked my eyes and it was over (how freaking cliche is that!)....we visited a ton of family....played with friends...swam a lot....slept in later and later everyday (really not looking forward to having to set my alarm again!)....but mostly we just kinda hung out and did nothing...my girls have actually enjoyed staying home most days and playing together (how crazy is that!!!) we have really taken advantage of summer this year....and if I am being honest for a second...I really, really, really thought that at this point of summer...two weeks before school starts I would be counting down the days until these little monsters went back...but really I am kinda sad. I have loved having no schedule to abide by and just coming and going as we please. In two weeks my little baby starts FIRST grade...and my youngest starts three day a week preschool....how in the world did that happen!!! Somebody...Anybody....come save me from this time warp...I know that I was just in the hospital birthing these children who have now become semi independent. The oldest one spends her days now trying to convince me that she is old enough to stay home by herself saying things (literally) like "Mom just leave me here you are just going down the street...I will be fine" (okay child you are six and mommy is not a big fan of jail)...today when I took her to register for first grade I told her I was sad that she was growing up to which she replied "Sorry mom that is how life works...we all grow up" (way to smart and independent for her own good!!).....and the other one is following right along in her footsteps...the other night I was sitting in the living room when I hear the kitchen faucet turn on...I turn around to see Paige standing on her chair getting herself a glass of water (CRAZY!!!) In two very, very short weeks we will be back into the school routine and I am sure that the second I close my eyes the school year will be over and it will be summer again. At this rate of speed it will just be a matter of months before I am loading cars and sending these "babies" to college. Did I mention how CRAZY this all is!!!

Last Minute Trip

We must have sat around for at least a week trying to decide what we were going to do for the fourth of July this year. We normal just kind of hang around the house, but this year the husband had five and a half days off work...so faced with the decision to "hang around the house" and potentially end up on the TV show Snapped or figure out something to do....he called me on Wednesday afternoon and told me to start getting things together because we were leaving on Thursday to go visit his mom and family for the next five days. I must admit that in times like this I sorta wish I was a guy because while he is in the "Throw some clothes in a bag and lets go" mentality I am in OVER-FREAKING-LOAD mode....I have to pay the bills that need to be paid for the next week, find someone to dog sit, pack for and make sure I have everything that four people (okay technically three since I told the husband he was on his own...but I still had to make sure his clothes were clean) are going to need for a week, grocery shop, clean the house and everything else that runs through a mom's mind when you know you are leaving your fort for almost a whole week....and I had one day to do it all (with two kids in tow). I mustered through it all though and we managed to hit the road Thursday afternoon at about 4....eight hours later we pulled into his mom's driveway....with two kids who were at this point wide awake....and our puppy (yes, puppy....whole other story....whole other blog)....so we finally managed to get the kids to sleep and we went to sleep...woke up and watched as the next five days flew by faster than any of the days before (and that is a pretty profound statement because time is moving by at lighting speed most days)....we got to hang out with his cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, nieces, nephews, mom, and probably a few other family members I am leaving out. The girls had an ABSOLUTE BLAST playing with their cousins outside after dark....(which is completely unheard of here)...getting dirty beyond comprehension and soaking up every single bit of grandmas attention. We got to hang out and enjoy time with the family because grandma was there :-)We also ate a lot of food, shot off a lot of fireworks and laughed harder than I have EVER laughed in my life (seriously...my whole life)Last night after we had a very large (and yummy) fish fry (along with more fireworks and more laughing) at my sister-inlove's we decided we were going to start the journey home so at 10:30 at night (just like we had lost our ever loving minds) we loaded the car and the kids...said goodbye and headed back towards home. We dodged a few drunk drivers which made the drive interesting...the plan was to drive a few hours and get a hotel room then drive the rest of the way...but the kids fell asleep and we listened to music and sometime around six o'clock this morning we pulled back into our driveway (right before falling into our beds and all but dying.) For a last minute...unplanned and unexpected trip I for one had the BEST time...and though I am semi glad to be home...even after five days....I really wasn't ready to leave.

Summer Time

Summer time has always been one of my favorite times of the year, but even more so since I was able to quit work. This is our first "real" summer together and I say this because this was Brooke's first year of school so before this year....summer was all year round! We have been enjoying this past month to the fullest! We joined the local recreation center and have been swimming almost everyday...and BOTH of my children are half fish so this has been a blast...plus it usually means early bedtime which is always a plus in my book :-) But the very most important thing that has happened this entire summer was my little baby....turned six years old....gasp!!! I can hardly believe I have been a mom for six years....so much has happened in my life in the past six years and I am pretty darn thankful for the spot I am in at this very moment!! So anyway this year for her birthday since she was finally old enough I presented her with a very important question.....I said "Brooke for your birthday this year would you rather have a birthday party with all of your friends.....or would you rather spend a day at six flags with me?".....now there was a point in time about six to eight months ago where this child made me measure her EVERYDAY to see if she was tall enough to ride rides so I pretty much already knew what the answer would be! She (without skipping a freaking beat) said A DAY AT SIX FLAGS...but could you at least buy me a cake! So it was set...now let me first tell you that six flags very well be my favorite place on the face of this very earth so I was pretty much...if not more...excited then she was!!! My amazingly awesome little sis...babysat Paige so me and Brooke could spend the day together....(can you believe she picked a day with me over her friends...love that little girl!!!)....here she is on our way there...sunglasses and all...(she is a pro!) We got there and the very first roller coaster she wanted to ride was the one that spins the entire way on the track (she is a little dare devil!!) It was so much fun watching her ride the rides...she acted like she had been there a million times and she knew exactly what she was doing! We ate corn dogs and curly fries for lunch and she had her first funnel cake (she was in love!!) we rode a ton of rides (we were there for SIX hours!!!) She got some birthday money from her grandparents this year and when I asked her what she wanted to spend her birthday money on her only reply was "cotton candy" so check out this thing that she bought at six flags!!!! By the time we left we were walking to our car and she stopped in the middle of the parking lot and said "I am NEVER going to make it to the car...AND I should have just choose a birthday party...... And before we even left the parking lot..... I would say the trip was success!!! I can't believe she is growing up so fast. I feel like just yesterday I was finding out I was going to have my first baby and now she is six years old...You couldn't even imagine how proud I am to be her mom. She has the biggest heart in the world and she is the most outgoing and vivacious child you will ever meet. Words can't describe how deep my love is for this kid and I am thankful for this summer and every summer I get to spend with her and her little sister! I am glad that this year on her sixth birthday she choose to hang out with her mama (who she still thinks is pretty fun) and take me on a date to six flags...because six flags may be my favorite place on this very earth....but watching six flags through my "babies" eyes for the first time was well.....FREAKING PRICELESS!!!

One PROUD Mama

Well today was the last day of school for Brooke. I went to her awards ceremony this morning and caught myself fighting back the tears as I watched my "little" girl cross the stage and receive her kindergarten diploma. It amazes me how much she has grown over the past year and not just in size (though she has done that to!), but as a person. I have watched her grow over the last year from being my baby to being my little girl. I have watched as she has learned how to read and write and all the other basic (and not so basic...I remember when kindergarten was about naps and coloring) things, but I have also watched over the year as her personality has shown more and more. This girl has the biggest heart for a child...at times I don't know how she keeps it in her chest. Her heart breaks for other people and she has an extra special place in her heart for animals...and if left up to her we would be the proud owners of EVERY single shelter pet in the world. She is so loving and caring that it fills my heart with so much joy. Every once in a while (when she thinks no one is looking) you can even catch her helping and being extra sweet to her sister. As I got in the car after the awards program...I put my sunglasses on and I cried my eyes out because I don't know how in the world I got lucky enough to have this little girl. Words can never come close to describing how proud I am to be her mama. Now if only I could figure out a way to freeze time...because if 1st grade goes by as quick as kindergarten then she will be going to college in a month or so. She is truly a gift that I undoubtedly don't deserve but am humbled daily and FOREVER grateful to have her in my life and to get the chance to watch her grow. Much, much, much love to you my little first grader!!! First Day of Kindergarten Last Day of Kindergarten

Thankful Heart Thursday

I stumbled across this poem and it spoke volumes into my soul this morning because lately I feel like I have been in a slump just going through the daily motions of life trying to stay afloat until the next one. I am NEVER ungrateful in my heart and I truly know without a doubt that I am blessed beyond comprehension....but when your house is a mess and your laundry could be considered a tourist site and you find yourself cleaning a bottle of shampoo off your bathroom floor....when you get so lost in the monotony of motherhood sometimes your actions (or lack of them) can scream out ungrateful. So with all of that said I wanted to share this poem and then I will tell you the top five things I am thankful for today.... "A Thankful Heart" By: Helen Steiner Rice Take nothing for granted, for whenever you do, The joy of enjoying is lessened for you. For we rob our own lives much more than we know when we fail to respond or in any way show Our thanks for the blessings that daily are ours-- The warmth of the sun, the fragrance of flowers, The beauty of twilight, the freshness of dawn, The coolness of dew on a green velvet lawn, The kind little deeds so thoughtfully done, The favors of friends and the love that someone Unselfishly gives us in myriad ways, Expecting no payment and no words of praise. Oh, great is our loss when we no longer find A thankful response to things of this kind. For the joy of enjoying and the fullness of living Are found in the heart that is filled with thanksgiving. On this very day I am thankful for many things....here are the top five in no particular order..... 1. I am thankful to be able to stay home with my girls. Almost two years to date that I quit my job and I am more thankful then ever. I never pictured my self as a stay at home mom, but I now truly know it was a blessing in disguise and am forever grateful. 2. I am thankful to have TWO happy and healthy little girls who at this moment think I am one of the coolest people on this earth. I know these days won't last forever so while they do I will be thankful. 3. I am thankful that my GREAT grandma has become one of my dearest friends. She is a very, very wise 85 years old and I am blessed to be able to talk to her on the phone often. I am thankful for that. 4. I am thankful for the prospect of summer. Tomorrow is Brooke's last day of school and this will be our first REAL summer since I quit my job and I am very much looking forward to sleeping in, swimming, and just all around enjoying my girls. 5. I am thankful for warm weather outside and air conditioning inside. I am thankful to have a husband who diligently works his butt off to provide for his family...who loves his kids more then life and adores me enough to keep me around :-) Happy Thankful Thursday....What are you thankful for today?

Weekend Adventure

The weekend after I quit my job we took our very first family vacation to a little spot outside of Glen Rose, TX called Hideaway Ranch and Retreat. We had so much fun and have been all but dying to go back. So a few months ago I went to their website and booked us for this weekend...except this time we made a last minute decision to go by ourselves and let the girls spend some quality time with the grandparents. So Friday afternoon we loaded up and dropped them off and headed out to what would be our weekend home....."The Lonestar"..... Hideaway Ranch is located on 155 acres and they have 10 cabins scattered in the woods hidden from each other. Each cabin has its own private drive and you are basically secluded from the world (or so it feels). There is little to no cell service and no Internet (I did not have access to facebook or google for two days). The cabins, however, have everything you could need (coffee pot, cooking utensils, satellite tv)....plus a view that could kill.... We took our dogs with us (yes that's right we left the kids and took the dogs) and I am pretty sure they had the best time of their lives! The Ranch has over 55 acres of hiking trails and the dogs were allowed to just roam around with us and they took full advantage....they had smiles on their faces the whole weekend.... We spent our weekend fishing....until we saw a water moccasin that is (that was undoubtedly my deal breaker).....hiking we saw all kinds of animal tracks...deer, horses, but the coolest and craziest one we saw were big ol bear tracks! I carried a stick the whole time (or a club as I liked to think of it) and spent much time in prayer just hoping that we didn't run into the creatures that left those tracks... I thought for sure since we were not taking the kids with us we should sleep in so before we went to sleep on Friday we decided that we would sleep in as late as we wanted. So Saturday morning we slept, and slept and slept and then when I thought surely it was afternoon time I got up and went to the kitchen to look at the only clock in the cabin and it was 9 am! Now if you want to get all technical about it that IS sleeping in considering most of our days start at 5 or 6....but man I used to be able to waste half a day sleeping in! So I was up for the day....the husband however went back to sleep so I drank my coffee on the front porch swing and soaked up the morning and then I went and laid on the couch and did what I did A LOT this weekend.....I read....3 cups of coffee, seven chapters and a shower later my husband decided he was ready to drag himself out of bed. We took the jeep for a ride and found some lunch before we came back to the cabin to hike and fish and read some more. Our nights were spent in the best place in the whole cabin....the back patio home of our own private hot tub..... We had the best weekend EVER and as we were loading everything up this morning I was so sad to be leaving! It is so nice to go somewhere and have the pace of life slow down and the concept of time disappear. I think I even almost missed my kids :-) The weekend went by so fast and we are already planning our next trip out there. We love, love, love that place!!!!

When It's Hard To Be A Mom

Okay well let’s be honest there is not a single day that goes by that being a mom is not hard. Being a mom means that you worry about things that never even existed in your world until your children came along. Being responsible for another life is pretty much the hardest thing in this world. But in my honest and humble opinion being a mom is the hardest when your child is sick....it is even harder when said sickness may or may not be a fake sickness. Let me explain.....Thursday of last week I get a call from the school nurse at Brooke's school and she says to me that Brooke is in her office and she is complaining that her stomach hurts....she has been in my office EVERY day this week complaining of a stomach ache she says, but today she is running a fever. Well first of all why did it take four days for anyone to tell me that my child did not feel good...okay, okay that is a whole other blog...so anyway I go and pick her up from school and give her some Tylenol and let her rest...I told my husband that if she did not feel better by the morning I would take her to see the doctor. Well Friday we woke up and she was still complaining so I called the doctor and got her in. Let me back up just a bit and explain that she has NO other symptoms at all....the fever has not even come back....and her stomach ache surely has not slowed down her eating. The doctor listens to her stomach and says that "It is moving pretty fast"...whatever in the world that means...he said it is probably either a stomach virus or maybe e-coli or salmonella so to error on the safe side he put her on an antibiotic. Well that was Friday and today is Monday and when I woke her up for school this morning she started crying saying her stomach hurt. Now she did complain on and off all weekend, but she played and ate and ran around everywhere to....so here I sit a mother in confusion and worry with my hands all but tied behind my back. I didn't want to send her to school if she really didn't feel good, but I can't help but wonder if she is just trying to get out of school. Or maybe there is something more serious wrong with her stomach other than "it is moving pretty fast." In either case...it is hard to be a mom when your child is sick....it is even harder when your child is sick and you have to play detective.

Mother's Day

I remember my first Mother's Day as a mom....I eagerly anticipated the day and expected to sleep in until noon and wake up to breakfast in bed, folded laundry and a sparkling house while trumpets played and fireworks were shot off....and then I woke up at the crack of dawn and was flung right back into reality and realized that Mother's Day was actually another day of being a mom. Just because it was mothers day did not mean that the baby did not need to be fed or changed and the laundry and house certainly did not magically clean itself. Today is my sixth Mothers Day and while I still have not heard trumpets play or seen a magical firework show...and while my duties as a mom still have not been put on hold for even so much as a second...I celebrate the fact that two special little girls make me a mom in the first place. I remember that without them I wouldn't even have a day and I am thankful today and everyday for the chance to just be there mom. Being a mom is the hardest job that anyone could ever have, but it pays in kisses and hugs. When I look into my children's faces (mostly when they are QUIETLY asleep) I can't help but feel like this is the ultimate reward and every day is really Mother's Day when you are thankful to be a mom.

True Confessions of a Good Enough Mom

I saw this magazine article recently where one mom put together a list of confessions about where she is lacking on her journey through motherhood and it inspired me to do the same. I am not perfect and do not have a desire to be, but here is a list of where I am (mostly happily) lacking in the rearing of my children..... 1. Bedtime is a lose term at our house that actually has nothing to do with time and everything to do with the attitude and demeanor of the little people who live here. I personally don't care if it is 6 o'clock or 10 o'clock. Or if the sun is still up for that matter. 2. I do not make them eat certain vegetables or other things that they don't like...matter of fact I do not make them eat at all. My parents did they whole "Your not leaving the table until your plate is cleared" thing and it drove me crazy. I am not going to force feed my kids...if they are hungry they will eat and if they do not like it why should they have to eat it just because they are 4 foot tall....I don't eat what I don't like and I don't expect them to either. 3. There are not many other things in this world that I like more then I like my sleep so at 2 a.m. in the morning I have a very hard time mustering up compassion for a bad dream or a sick kid....I do it...but maybe not as nicely or with as big of a smile on my face as I would if it were say 2 o'clock in the afternoon. 4. I don't really care where my kids sleep as long as it is not in my bed. I do not like to share my sleeping space and when I sleep I want as much space as possible so co-sleeping has always been out of the question for me.....but my kids are always welcome on my floor....that's right they are always welcome to make a pallet next to my bed if they feel they need to be close to me. My oldest slept most nights on the floor on my side of the bed until she turned five (and even now I will find her on my floor some mornings) and my youngest still sleeps on a pallet most nights. 5. Kids come with a lot of things....the one thing that I can not do is blood. I can change diapers and clean up throw up all day (some days that is all I do) but when it comes to blood in large quantities I not so slightly freak out. My oldest had her first nose bleed a few months back and there was blood EVERY WHERE (how does a nose bleed so much!)....and I the only thing I could do was SCREAM really, really loudly for her dad. It is times such as those I am thankful for him because he is much more calm and collected in times of blood. 6. Patience is a virtue I was not blessed with...I think I inherit that from my father (which he recently told me does get better with age so I am not so patiently waiting on that). I am quick to get mad and quick to yell and on any given day my frustration level is usually maxed out...but I sure do love those little patience testers. Those are just a few BELIEVE me I know there are more. I am no where near perfect, but in this crazy little world called motherhood I don't think anyone is. As long as my children know they are loved and are happy I think I am doing my job pretty well. And I am proud to be a good enough mom!!!

My Baby

My baby is not such a baby anymore. I can hardly believe that it has been three whole years since we became a family of four!! I absolutely could not imagine our family or my life without that little girl. The past year....aka "the terrible twos" has been slightly more then interesting having Paige around....she has tried my patience.....tested my frustration level and completely stolen my heart. Over the last year I have cleaned (from Paige and other various surfaces) Vaseline, butter, A&D ointment, powered sugar, baby powder, marker, permanent marker, crayon, glue, toilet paper, 10 rolls of paper towels that magically got unrolled and many, many other things that I have probably repressed in my memory. This has all resulted in at least one million baths. I have laughed more times then I can count at all of the funny things that have come out of that little mouth as she has learned to talk (and talk, and talk and talk.) I have been so frustrated that I thought (very seriously) about running away....and then she tells me I am her "bess frend"....and somehow my frustration melts away. When I was pregnant with Paige all of my co-workers asked if I planned on quitting my job and most of the time I answered with many laughs and a big ol' yeah right!! Looking back....I would not change a single thing. I am more then blessed to be able to spend my days with a little toddler and over the past year we have bonded beyond words....and even though she is at most times crazy, gets into EVERYTHING and keeps me well on my toes....she has become my little side kick and MY "bess frend" and my days would not be the same without her....and so today on her third birthday I am going to squeeze her just a little bit tighter because I know it is only a matter of a few more birthdays and my "bess frend" will have many more friends and this ol' mama won't be nearly as cool. I will cherish today and everyday that I get to spend with her (and her big sister) because I know without a single doubt in my mind....that I am truly blessed!

Luckily God is Good because People are C-R-A-Z-Y

Last night was a normal night at our house...everyone was in bed by 9 and we were all asleep by 10. I was fast asleep in my favorite dream state at 11:30 when my phone rang...this is highly uncommon since everyone knows we go to bed early at our house....it was my little brother...which is even more uncommon....so I knew right way that something was probably wrong...but before I could even process the missed phone call I got a text message from him that said "CALL ME 911"....so then I knew...I got up and called him and he said that our mom had been in a car accident. When I was finally able to get the whole story I learned that my mom was driving home and a truck was pulling out of a local strip club when he hit my mom's car pushing her into the curb causing her car to flip two times. My mom was taken by ambulance to a hospital trauma center nearby where they ran CT scans and other various tests to make sure she did not have internal bleeding or anything else seriously wrong with her. Her car was completely totaled and obviously in pretty bad shape. The guy that hit my mom's car did not stop one time...it was a hit and run....this infuriates me to no end. My mom ended up (by the pure grace of God) walking away without any serious injuries, but he did not know that. I am sure that he had been drinking and he was driving a company truck, but it makes me so sad that people in this world are so selfish that they would rather keep themselves out of trouble then help someone who potentially could have been seriously hurt. The people in this world are crazy, but thankfully God is good and my mom is okay...the car can be replaced....but the ignorance of the guy who hit her...well....that is a whole other story.

Roller Skating Adventure

On Saturday one of my friends invited me and Brooke to go to the skating rink with her and her two girls. Brooke was VERY excited to go...although she kept saying she was going ice skating. We got to the rink and she could hardly get her skates on fast enough. The place we went to was pretty neat because for $5 you could rent what is essentially a walker on wheels for the kids to use. It is just a few pcs of pvc pipe put together and put on wheels, but what an awesome idea. We didn't have those things when I learned to skate...our parents threw some skates on us and threw us out on the rink and let us fall until we figured it out. So anyway she got her skates on and set off on what she deemed as "the dance floor" with her little walker and her skates and she was all set. She must have fallen at least 20 times....each time getting back up (proud mama moment.) She was noticeably frustrated every time though and kept saying things like "Everyone else is better than me" and "I can't stop falling"....at one point in time she looked at me and said "That is IT I am going home NOW".....but with each round on "the dance floor" she would sit down and take a break to build up her courage and then she always wanted to go again. By the time it was all said and done she did not even want me to skate with her (she was waaaayyy too cool for that) and was actually able to go around the "dance floor" two times by herself without falling. She went to school yesterday and showed all of her friends her battle wounds...which are mainly just bruises on her elbows. She also told me that I am taking her back to that place when she is on spring break. So even though it wasn't ice skating and even though she fell next to a million times she had lots of fun....and I of course had lots of fun watching her learn something new...but boy oh boy did my feet hurt Saturday night....I think I may be getting too old to skate.

The Heart of a Child

Brooke was telling me this morning about how they had a new student start in her class yesterday. Here is how a little of our conversation went: Me: Oh really you got a new student...that is really awesome. Brooke: Yeah we did! Her name is Jacqueline!! Her house is in Kentucky!! Me: Wow Kentucky is far away she must not know a lot of people around here...you know you should try to be her friend because sometimes when people are new they don't know many people and sometimes they need friends....so be extra nice to her in case she needs a friend. Okay? Brooke: MOM!!! I ALREADY AM HER FRIEND!! She said this to me like she was REALLY annoyed with the fact that I would have thought for one second that she was not already her friend. She loves people and she has the biggest heart of anyone I know....she wants to be friends with EVERYONE. I love how kids make friends so easily. I love to watch my kids at the park.....it is almost like just being a kid is enough in common to become friends...sometimes even "best friends" in a matter of mere minutes. Remember when it was that easy...when a simple "you wanna play" meant you just made a new friend. Weren't those the good ol' days!

Things Round Here

So we have officially fulfilled 1/4 of our lease agreement at our "new" house....which means we have been here for 3 months already....or just long enough to really start getting settled in. Well technically we were still hanging pictures and organizing this weekend, but I am not completely convinced you are ever fully finished with that kind of stuff. We have lived here long enough to acquire probably double the "stuff" that we had which will make moving one day double the fun. We have lived here long enough to learn that the electric bill is almost as much as our rent (seriously it is ridiculous).....we have lived here long enough for the girls to get territorial over their rooms and at any point in the day we will hear phrases yelled such as: "It's MY room and MY rules".....We have lived here just long enough for the train that is in our backyard with a full-on attack siren at all hours of the night to become more soothing and less completely and utterly annoying (praise God).....We have lived here just long enough that I finally think we have a good idea where all our furniture is supposed to go (we just swapped the office and the playroom last weekend and essentially moved all over again...or at least the complete disarray of my house felt like we were.) We have lived here long enough to get some sort of routine down most days its sketchy but it is there....We have lived here long enough to have to upgrade Paige's bed from a toddler bed to a full size bed (although her jumping on the bed and busting straight through the wood frame helped speed up the process)....We have lived here just long enough that I have cleaned the floors no less than 260 times...my husband says that the last people who lived here moved because the electric bill is too high and while he makes a valid point I would argue that it was because the floors take half a day to clean. We have lived here just long enough to see ice on the streets AND sun in the sky (okay so we do live in Texas...but still). We have lived here just long enough that it has already flown by and felt like forever! We all love living here and I would not change a thing....well okay...I would change the price of the electric bill and the floors, but other than that.... :-)

Love and Bah Humbug

So yesterday was valentines day and here at our house we had an exceptionally wonderful day. Before I tell you about how wonderful it was let me first express my dislike for this holiday....Valentines day has become so commericalized it is ridiculous...it is all about who got the most flowers...the best chocolate or the prettiest jewelry...and somewhere in the scheme of things we all seem to have forgotten what the day is really about....LOVE. It has become twisted into who spent more money loves more. So...anyway....Will (my husband) asked Brooke a few weeks ago if she would be his Valentine. It makes my heart so happy that he makes this holiday special for the girls. Of course she said yes and then proceeded to tell everyone in her passing over the next few weeks that her daddy was her valentine and she was his. She made him a card and I took her to the store and she picked out a teddy bear, a fake rose, a balloon and some cookies. I then got him a pair of his favorite lounge shorts...and a whole bunch of his favorite candy and we made him a valentines basket that she gave to him when he got home yesterday. He was so sweet when he came home he had got each of us a single rose...pink of course....in a very pretty vase with a bow....he had also got Brooke a necklace (her only request) both of the girls also got a little basket with a teddy bear and candy. Brooke was grinning from ear to ear....and Paige was going along with it. Brooke of course had saved her biggest surprise for last....she came to me about a week ago and asked if we could give daddy a candlelight dinner for valentines day so of course I did my best to make it happen (although she will tell you I bought the wrong candles)...so yesterday I cooked dinner and while the husband "ran to the store" me and Brooke sat the table and she put all of our flowers in the middle of the table with the candles....she found some "romantic music" on the tv...then when he got home she met him at the door and told him...."Dinner is served"....she sat next to her daddy and could not have been any sweeter...my little picky eater ate every bit of her dinner and said things like "Mom, I love the way you made these pork chops they are delicious" and "I just love this sauce"....it was so cute. When her dad leaned over and told her that it was his best Valentines day ever she replied with "group hug on three"...."one....two....three." It of course was my best valentines day ever because it just makes me so happy to see my little girl happy and feeling loved, but above all it makes me proud that she is so thoughtful and sweet and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. Love that kid!

What I Dream Of

You know what I dream of? I don't mean unconscious dreaming (although that is one of my favorite things in this life)....I mean what I long for....what I desire....well the answer is simple enough...I dream of sleep....I am talking about lay down at night not wake up until the morning kind of sleep. I used to be a good sleeper sometime before I had kids...as a matter of fact I never even thought about sleep...I just did it...I could sleep though a tornado until the middle of the after noon....then I got married and had kids and somewhere between all the "mama I needs" and the snoring I lost my gift. I now spend every night just praying to get at least a four hour period without interruptions, but most nights that seems impossible. I wake up every time the husband moves, sometimes I can't even fall asleep because the snoring is so loud, I wake up when the wind blows or the door creaks, I wake up when the dogs change positions, it's like I am on noise control and every single noise big and small must be analyzed by me....and when my kids are sick I may as well just forget that sleep even exists. Last night, for a very good example, Paige has had a HORRIBLE night cough for over a week....which has now also turned into an ear infection...lovely just lovely....well we settle down for the night...and I have her sleeping on a pallet right now so I can keep an eye on her and before I can even lay down my husband is snoring...and I am not talking about that little semi snore that can sometimes be cute (like when the kids do it)...I am talking about a full on attack against my sleep snore....louder than loud and more annoying than annoying. So I do what I always do in this situation...I kick the bed (hey, it's better than kicking him)...I don't really know what goes through his mind when I do this (he already knows I'm crazy) but it usually causes him to rollover allowing me at least three minutes before it starts again. Just as I am about to fall asleep...I can feel that favored dream state coming on...and Paige starts coughing...then crying...so I have to get up and get medicine...water...ear drops etc. This happened ALL night...all the while my husband is snoozing away. I have thrown around the idea of having my own room.....I have even snuck away a few times to the guest room in the middle of the night...my husband does not appreciate this at all (and my children always seem to find me)...I have heard him mutter some non-sense about separate rooms being bad for a marriage and I can't help, but wonder what he thinks an exhausted, annoyed, dog-tired, dead on her feet wife does for a marriage!! But since I am too tired to argue I told him I would compromise for the largest size bed that was ever made and a set of HEAVY DUTY ear plugs...and I suppose a bottle of NyQuil never hurt anyone either.

The Week My Life Was Canceled

Monday started off as normal as it could (for my life anyway)....husband went to work....Brooke was sick so I did make a doctors appointment and we took her to the doctor that afternoon....what we did not know at the time was that was going to be the last time that we stepped foot out of our house for the next four days. Here in Texas we get bad weather once MAYBE twice a year....we are always usually excited for the little break in routine as schools and workplaces close....so when we woke up on Tuesday to a blanket of ice covering the ground we were semi excited to stay in our pjs all day and just play hooky from life for the day. We cleaned up the house, did some laundry, played the Wii and just kinda hung around...my dad (who lives just down the street) was awesome enough to bring us by some soup so we did not have to venture out into the madness. Tuesday night as we watched the news the weather did not show much change and it was not going to get back above freezing so it was beginning to look like the ice was here to stay. Wednesday the schools were once again closed and my husband got word on Wednesday that his work was canceled for the rest of the week.....then I got word that church was canceled for that evening (it was beginning to look like our lives were canceled...or at least on hold)..... I had to attempt to go to the store to get a few things that we would need....I drove to the grocery store at a rapid pace of 5 mph....then started heading home...got almost home when my car spun off the road and into a ditch almost flipping over and running into a fence in the process. Okay, okay so going out was not the best idea. Finally made it home where my car would sit....and sit...and sit....Thursday school was canceled again and cheer practice...Today, Friday, we woke up and it has been four days of us being cooped up in this house together and to be honest crazy never felt this crazy. We have watched numerous movies, played games, painted, cooked, cleaned and then cleaned some more, then when all else failed we watched more movies. I am a stay at home mom so I am used to...well...staying home...but this was just nuts. According to the weather guy this is the worst winter storm that we have seen here in North Texas in over two decades....I feel like I need an "I survived" t-shirt or something. The girls have been surprisingly wonderful through this whole thing...other than the occasional "I'm bored" or "When do we get to go outside" it really has not been that bad....of course they have a tv, computer, Wii, and a whole toy store full of toys to keep them occupied. Me on the other hand...well I have been on the verge of losing my mind for DAYS. I really thought Cabin Fever was just an expression until this week...now I know it can LITERALLY drive you crazy. I was finally able to get out of the house today and I didn't even really know where I was going...I thought about going to get my nails done, but the very thought of being stuck in one place for more than 10 minutes right now makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. Well the snow and ice are finally melting and tomorrow it should be over freezing...I am very glad this experience is almost over I am not a cold weather person at all!!! I am however thankful to have had a warm house to be in and I guess if you push me hard enough I would tell you that I am thankful for the people that occupy it as well....although I don't think I have EVER been so ready for a Monday to get here!!

The Luckiest Girl In The World

My days are mediocre....my life is far from great...but, I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have a best friend that would drop her life if I needed anything...any time day or night she is one phone call away from being there. I have a husband that works his butt off to put a roof over my head and food on our table and all of the nice things in between. I have two healthy (at times crazy) little girls who absolutely think I hung the moon. I have a mom and a dad (and a step-mom) who genuinely and unconditionally love me and would give me everything they owned if I needed it. I have the most loving extended family who actually still believes in family. I have a brother who loves and adores me...and then God decided that I was going to have another brother and a sister that are my blood just the same (even if they aren't at all.) I have had some amazing people placed in my path in this life that I am blessed to call friends. I have support and love from one awesomely wonderful church family. I have a God who has wiped away all the sins I have ever committed in this lifetime (and he knows there has been a lot). I. AM. THE. LUCKIEST. GIRL. IN. THE. WORLD.

My Kind Of Luck

First things first.....yesterday I spent my whole entire day....I mean from the time my feet hit the ground until I finally sat down at 8 o'clock (whatever happened to getting off at 5?!!!!)...cleaning my house....I swept, moped, cleaned the carpets the whole nine yards....and today it looks as if I never clean...matter of fact it looks like a tornado and a hurricane hit my house simultaneously...it could literally be declared a state of emergency....I am starting to think I live with animals....wild, wild animals!! But, I did this because I knew I would not have time to clean today and just as I suspected I haven't (well I guess I could be cleaning right now....but it's pretty much a lost cause at this point)....today I woke up and did homework with Brooke...between reading, writing, math and spelling this is a never ending task at my house...after we finished homework got her dressed and ready I took her to school....then I had to run an few errands...back home to get Paige (and myself) ready for her doctors appointment....off to the doctors appointment....we skipped nap and it showed at the doctors (I am pretty sure she thinks I live with wild animals as well)...got home and had about 30 minutes to log onto my new classes that started today...just in time to find out I already have one million assignments that I already don't have time for....then it was off to get Brooke....now let me say that I have had my car since September and one of the selling points they forgot to tell me was that the gas gage does not work at all so I have had to become pretty good at judging by my mileage how much gas I have.....good that is until today in the middle of the parent pick up line at school where my mileage was off and my car was completely out of gas....in the middle of the parent pick up line with a gazillion cars behind me and to both of my sides (ain't that just my kind of luck)....three of the teachers helped push my car to the center lane and we patiently watched all of the other cars leave while we waited on my husband to come and save us.....all I could think during this whole thing was....Thank goodness I was not in my pajamas...see my "not so resolution" resolution has already paid off and it is only January 18th. I love my life, I love my life, I love my life.

Adventure To A Fun Mom (and weight loss update)

Lately I have noticed how boring I am as a mom. With a job that is never done, I am constantly thinking of what I need to do next...floating through the motions of daily life. School, housework, piles and never ending piles of laundry, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, more housework, errands, homework.....the list goes on and on forever. I noticed that I am so busy being a mom that I haven't had time to be a mom. So I have come to the realization that I want my children to remember having more fun with mom then say the tv, computer or even the wii....so starting this past Friday I have implemented "Family Fun Friday"......I picked up Brooke from school and we had breakfast for dinner (which is a favorite for everyone)....I also helped Brooke make another Big Top Cupcake....only this time I WON and not the cupcake....we played the Wii (together) and then we settled in to watch Nanny McPhee Returns as a family...I know that the girls had fun and it was nice for me to relax for a night and just enjoy my family. We apparently had so much fun that we didn't stop there because Saturday we woke up and took the kids to the Science Museum AND to the Stock Show....they got to play with a life size "light bright" (I think I was more impressed then them)....they got to see more animals then they could count (including baby chicks that were hatching as we watched)....Brooke rode her very first roller coaster (and loved it!!).....she then conned me into riding the ferris wheel with her where she assured me I would be okay as long as I did not throw up on her. After that we took them to McDonalds to eat and run out any trace of energy they might have left before we went home and got ready for bed. It was a super fun weekend...and at this rate I am sure to win the funnest mom award in no time!! :-) ***Weight loss update*** For those of you who read my last blog post you know that I have not resolved to lose weight...I am just going to do it so I figured that periodically I will post an update on my journey....mainly to keep me accountable...so now I am beginning week three of this and so far I have managed to control my eating...for the most part (which is not so easy when you walk through the kitchen 100 times a day)...I have also managed to make it to the gym (that is 45 minutes away) two times every week....when I don't feel like making the trek to the gym (and when it is not -19 degrees outside) I have been walking at the park. For the record I do own an elliptical and an aerobic step with dvd....but I am not that disciplined yet :-) But going into week three I would say that things are going smoothly and as of this morning I have lost 7 lbs. And I know that I had said 40lbs in the beginning, but once I made friends with my scale again and evaluated "the situation" my actual real life goal is 48....so 7 down 41 to go.

Dinner Time Disaster

I know that the title of this post may lead you to believe that I had one dinner that went wrong...well the truth of the matter is that dinner time at my house every single night is inevitably a disaster that causes me to want to lock myself in the bathroom and eat my food in peace (just for the record I still have not ruled this option out.) First of all let me establish rapport and say that while I am not a gourmet chef...I can cook...most of the time pretty well in my humble opinion. Since I am the only one in my house that cooks I tend to get plenty of practice. My husband, however, is the pickiest eater on the face of the planet...the list of things that he WILL eat can probably be counted on both of my hands...and eating with him is a little like eating dinner with the health inspector....he inspects every single bite for the mere trace of something he may not like (no joke)....he covers almost anything in BBQ sauce so he can't taste it and if it looks like he may not like it he won't touch it or better yet he scrapes it in the trash on the way to the table. With that said my children are not much better at all....so dinner time at my house goes a little something like this.....I spend 45 minutes to an hour in the kitchen fixing everything and then I sit at the table and eat my food while my husband inspects his....and Brooke cries the whole time because she HATES this dinner or that food is disgusting....and Paige throws her food on the floor for the dogs to eat. So basically I end up cooking dinner for myself...and when it is all said and done I get the lovely pleasure of cleaning up the mess from cooking, the plates full of uneaten food on the table and any food left on the floor that the dogs did not find. After one too many nights of the very same occurrence I think it is safe and fair to say that the cook is out of the kitchen, the dishes are staying on the table AND this mama is going to go on strike!!!

If We (okay ME) Are Being Honest

With a new year comes a time for self reflection. As everyone around you is making resolutions it causes you to examine yourself and search for ways to self improve. Funny thing I learned is that when someone else points out your downfalls it is rather easy to step back and see all the things that need improvement. I have been a stay at home mom now for almost two years (I seriously can't believe that!!!) and I do love it...sure....there are days that I wonder what the heck I was thinking but if we are being honest I wouldn't trade a second of this life. The thing is becoming a stay at home mom means that things quickly went from semi normal to insanely and abruptly crazy. When I worked I had a routine that I HAD to stick to or I would inevitably be late for something. I dropped the girls off, went to the office, picked the girls up, went to the gym and somewhere in between all of that managed to run a household. Now that I am a stay at home mom routine is a thing of the past and there are days I feel like I can't even manage a household. I have become your typical garden variety housewife and at any given time I have two handfuls of tasks that need to be completed and as I start checking things off my list Paige is right behind me creating more things for me to add. There are days that I don't shower until 6 o'clock at night.....there are many, many mornings that I can be found in the drop off line at Brooke's school in my pajamas....and if we are being honest there are even afternoons that you can find me in the pickup line in the same pajamas. I don't go to the gym as often as I should and if we are being honest....by that I mean virtually never. I used to eat healthy and now I just eat whatever takes the least amount of time to consume.....so I can get right back to my million tasks. If we are being honest there are days that I don't do anything.....well I do manage to change channels on the tv while I lay around and look at piles of laundry and dishes in the sink. I don't consider myself lazy...I just consider myself tired and with so many things to do it is sometimes hard to determine where to start. So as we enter the new year....my "not so resolutions" resolutions would be #1. to start being honest with myself.....after two years I should know that no matter how productive I am I can not accomplish every single task every single day nor should I expect to and that is OK. #2. I would like to create some sort of routine in this madness (maybe the first thing on the list every morning should be to get dressed) #3. I know, I know it is completely cliche, but I not only resolve I VOW to go to the gym (or at least get off the couch) and make healthier eating choices (even if it takes a little longer) so that I can lose the 40 pounds that have decided to accompany me on this stay at home mom journey (because I really don't remember inviting them!!) But....if I do absolutely none of those things the one thing that I will do in 2011 is try to be the best dang mom that I can be. I will love those girls and soak up every minute of this experience because I know that I won't always be a stay at home mom...and they won't always be so stinking sweet. I thank God every day for the opportunity to be their mom and if we are being honest.....that REALLY IS all that matters in this crazy little thing called my life.